Disconcerted

I cannot help but admit that I am disconcerted; I think I need a fix. All my life, I’ve never been this hopeless. Being a child is easy and growing up is the most difficult part. People tell me “you have to face life as it is” but that can be daunting, as sometimes, you are left helpless.

My life is disconcerted right now, because nothing seems to be moving forward for me. My faith is disconcerted, because now I do not belong to any particular church. My spiritual life is in a hoax right now, as I can’t seem to find that one thing that will put everything together for me.

I want to believe this is the life God wants me to have because as Psalms 34:18 says, “He delights in the broken hearted and those of a contrite spirit”. I want to believe God is going to make things all right for me, and that I wouldn’t have to bother about anything. Perhaps by admitting it, I can be helped.

Many promises I hear, which seem not to make my life or faith any better. I listen to them, I follow them, I hear them and even search for them, to see what God is up to or doing in my life. People say a lot of things, musicians especially, and all their songs seem to fix on the hope of Christ.

Have I lost hope? I don’t think so, as I still have faith in God. It’s just that I haven’t been able to plant myself in any religious organization where I feel I belong. I’m not working at the moment so you can expect the worst from me. And, moreover, I wasn’t any brilliant person but Christ has made me brilliant in his word.

In spite of all these, I still sit down to write exhortational blogs to people with the hope that Christ will look on me with the same, and help me out. I’m not looking forward to gaining pity or acting as a lunatic. After all, I have people who care for me and care about me. If I were ought (something else), I would find consolation from them.

But like the Psalmist said, “I will lift my eyes to the heavens, from whence comes my help?” If I was receiving any help, which I am, I wouldn’t be looking up to Christ to come save me from this mess I’m in. I am writing this in my diary so that when Christ lifts me up from this state, I would know where he picked me from.

I hope I haven’t made you sad by my speech. In anyway, there is much to enjoy in life than to sorrow about. Make yourself happy if you’re not finding anybody to do so for you. No matter what, remember that your condition is not permanent; it’s just a temporary state. Soon, it will pass away. Stay blessed.

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